Saturday, April 17, 2010

Why I should never leave my house

Just an example of a week in my life trying to navigate the waters of a baby, a toddler, two dogs, a house that won't clean itself, a tendency to rush into things without thinking, and a huge case of the crazies.

Incident #1- I have sweet girlfriends that are always inviting me to do things, but I usually can't. Mainly due to nap schedules. Boo. But I decided to meet them on Monday for a picnic. They asked repeatedly if I was sure I could do that date. I said 100 times that I could. I did forgot though that the kids had shots that day and would therefore be missing morning naps. Not wanting to back out and seem scatterbrained again, I went.

The result? A screaming William, a clearly annoyed Bennett, a few sucker punches thrown to a 16 month old boy, a fall off of a slide due to shot induced delirium, and a Mom who forgot to bring their juice and sandwiches that were sadly left in the refrigerator. I drove away thinking, "Why do I bother?" Park fail.

Incident #2
- I go to my Mom's group later in the week. We pull up to the church and Bennett knows that we are at Daddy's work. I tell her that indeed we are. When I take her to the nursery she has a major come apart because she thinks we are going to see Daddy. She screams. She cries. I am practically naked from her clutching at my clothes. I do what every good parent would do- I give in. I take her upstairs to my Moms group with me. I have never done this before, but I was desperate.

I get her settled at my table and even give her a donut (oh, happy day) and we settle in to listen to the speaker. And what was the speaker talking about that day? Discipline and how NOT to give into your children. And as she is saying that, I am sitting with a 2 year old on my lap that I have clearly given into. Nice, right? I felt like a hue spotlight was on me as an example of what not to do. Good parenting fail.

Incident #3
- We go to Sonic. I decide it's time for Bennett to be introduced to the wonder and majesty that is Sonic. I bring a sippy cup from home. Ten points for me because I remembered one. I order her a small cherry limeade and tell her the whole way there that she is getting a special drink. She is SO excited. The drink comes and I put it in her sippy cup.

Did you know that you can't do this? I didn't. Apparently the fizz in a cherry limeade does not work with sippy cups with straws. It came bubbling up through the straw and erupted like a volcano. Cherry limeade everywhere. On my shirt, on my pants, on the steering wheel. I grab a ziplock bag from Will's diaper bag. 10 points to me because there is one in there. I lock up the offending sippy cup. Bennett cries for 10 minutes because she didn't get a special drink. I run errands and come home to realize that the ziplock could not contain the limeade. Will's diaper bag, my phone, my wallet, and a pair of baby shoes are covered in limeade. Carbonation fail.

Incident #4
- Are you tired of reading yet? You should be. My life is exhausting. Our church is having a children's program and I decide to take Bennett. I know we won't last the whole time, but it's free and I think she will like it. We get to the program and sit in the back. I'm not dumb. I know my kid. We sit as far from the stage as possible. Bennett lasts in my lap three songs and then starts climbing in the row in front of her.

So, you know how a lot of seats are those seats that fold up and only the weight of your body can hold them down? Those are our seats and I guess Bennett's 24 lbs couldn't hold down the seat. In the middle of a very nice song about bugs, Bennett's seat folded up and her ankle got caught. I tried to get it out. I couldn't.

She starts saying, "I stuck!! I stuck!!" A nice elderly man came to help me. He couldn't do much. A lady from my Mom's group saw the commotion. She tried to help. Bennett was definitely stuck. By now she's crying, "OH, no!! My leg! Help!" I am twisting her ankle, a friend is holding down the seat, and the elderly man is pulling on Bennett's shoulders.

She starts crying harder. Two more people come to help. There are 5 of us pulling on a 2 year old while a church program is going on. Bennett is wailing. I am upset. The elderly man's back is about to give out. Someone was 30 seconds away from getting a custodian to take apart the seat when I wrenched her ankle out of the seat. Everyone returns to the show and I slink out the back door. We were too far back for anyone on the stage to notice what was going on. My deciding to sit in the very back was the only smart move I made this week.

We get in the lobby and Bennett says, "I had so much fun at the children singing, Mama." Really? You did? Because to me it just capped of another week in my life. Life fail.


Erin said...

I love you dear cousin. We seriously should live 2 minutes from each other. I would go through all of this with you and we could commiserate together :)

Anna said...

oh my. i laughed and almost cried for you! you poor thing! i am so sorry it's been one of those weeks. i'm praying this next week will be significantly better!!! you're such an awesome mama and you've got to keep reminding yourself that you have NOT failed at that...which is more important than anything else you do! bennett and will will remember how much you LOVE them...and thats what matters! hugs sweet friend!

Brittny said...

I would pay good money to spend a week with you and your kids! I was laughing so hard that Christopher came over to see what was so funny. I knew he wouldn't get it without photos. oh my goodness how I would have LOVED to be there at the children's program. Only to hear the comment she made afterwards. I'm so sorry!!!! Better run I have a 4 year old knee digging into my leg and I can't see around him to type!

Carmen & Eddie said...

I feel you!!! Reguardless of the crazyness that unfolds in your adventures, if you stayed home you would go insane!! As for the napping thing- all our activites must take place so that we are back at home by 2pm or in a long car ride at that time!!! I so wish you lived closer... your comedy and my errors would go together like pb&j!

Tiffany said...

Oh, Sweetie, you're not alone! Mine are into everything all the time. My 3 year old boy's way of decididng if a dog is nice it to yank both its ears. I often hear other moms say, "Those Turner kids are tough! My kid would never do that!" Which I know translates to, "Tiffany is insane to let her kids do/climb/try that! How the heck are those kids in not in traction all the time?" And I just say, "Yep, I tell them to stop or they'll get hurt, which only makes them more determined to do it. And they almost never get hurt." Seriously, imagine watching your 3 year olds trying to teach the 10 year old neighbor how to climb a chainlink fence, because they can practically vault over it, and neighbor kid can't. Or telling a 12year old, "If the toddlers can do it, so can you."

Beverly said...

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!!! READ MY LIPS - WELL, MAYBE NOT MY LIPS, BUT READ MY BLOG COMMENT AGAIN AND AGAIN - YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE!!! (I, too, wish you were only 2 minutes away. I miss you and those precious little sweeties!) You will be laughing at these crazy times one day. Sometimes a sense of humor is the only thing that will keep you going!