Friday, September 25, 2009

One Year Later

I've learned so much this past year. If I took the time to sit down and share every thing I've learned, I would be here all night. We found out that we were moving to Kansas exactly one year ago this week. And what a year it has been. We packed up our house, left all of our friends and family, moved to a place where we didn't know anyone, lived in a rental house, started over from square one with every relationship, raised a baby, moved again to another house, gave birth to another baby, and continued daily to find our way in this new area.

I could write a 18 paragraph blog on things I have struggled with this past year, but I want to share what I have learned- that I am nothing without God.

I do think that staying on one place can lead to complacency. I must confess that I think I was getting rather complacent in Montgomery. I was surrounded by comfort. Comfort in the shape of friends, family, a job I loved, etc... I can tell you with certainty that I prayed. I can't tell you with certainty that I trusted. This move has been the biggest leap of faith if there ever was one. And it's not like Rob and I hadn't lived in other places before. Both of us have lived in a variety of areas and have traveled extensively. But not since we were married and not since we had "settled down."

Life recently had been different than when I moved around a lot. I couldn't walk 5 feet on a Sunday morning without seeing a friend. And not just an acquaintance, but a dear friend. Someone who had danced at our wedding, prayed for us when Bennett was born, or ministered alongside us for years. When I had my blood clot, our house was instantly filled with food and it continued until I could walk. When Rob hurt his back, someone was mowing our grass the very next day. When Bennett was born, there was a new gift or a visitor on our doorstep every day. We couldn't go out to eat without knowing half of the restaurant. It was wonderful. It was comforting. And I still miss it immensely.

But looking back I can see how much I have had to let go and rely on God instead of other people. I know that it was the Lord comforting me when I had to pack up the house I had just built. It was His hand keeping me from falling apart as I watched Rob lead worship for the last time. He got me on the moving truck and gave me strength as I watched my sweet little niece crying as we pulled away. He encouraged me during those cold January snowstorms when I was home alone with an 11 month old and when my body was exhausted from being pregnant. He provided so much help in the form of my Mom who was able to come out here to bring relief. He showed me incredible joy as my little family unit became closer and closer every day because we didn't have anyone to depend on but each other. He was there when I was sad that our hospital room had been packed with family for Bennett's arrival, but was rather empty for Will's. He provided an angel in the form of our dear friend Mary when my back was causing me so much pain. And He has been here for every ordinary and mundane day in between.

I am grateful, awed, and humbled for His patience and love for a forgetful sad sack such as myself. You would think that I would know better by now. :-)

But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:31


Brittny said...

thank you for writing that. i needed to hear it. marrying into military/med school life hasn't been the easy fun ride i thought it would be. i made one friend the first move. four fabulous friends the second and it tore me apart to leave them. literally. i fell apart when we moved here. it took me months to be ok with it all. i've made great friends here and it kills me every time i think about the next move. our friends we've made are all moving a year before us. i feel like i'm counting down the months until they are gone and trying to figure out what i'm going to do once they are gone. i wish i could say that i've leaned on the cross like you have, but i can't. i'm trying to, but haven't been very good at it. but reading what you had to say encourages me to do so. thank you for your honesty!!!!

Courtney said...

I love you. You constantly remind me that I can't do life on my own, no matter how muh I want to. You're amazing.