Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Kirby and Me

I am substituting the word "Kirby" for "Marley" in the title because yesterday even Marley couldn't have held a candle to my 10 year old American Fox Hound. Since Rob and I are heading to 'Bama this weekend, we hastily made arrangements yesterday to have the dogs boarded.

***Side note**** If you are thinking about buying a dog, just buy one. And buy a small one. They charge you by the pound and both of our dogs are 50+ pounds making it very expensive to say the least.***

Anyway, to make a very long story short, the doggie hotel called and said that Meg was up to date on all of her shots, and Kirby only lacked one- his Parvo shot. He had to have that shot to be boarded and he had to have it at least 48 hours prior to his arrival. That left me a 5 hour window, a slow dog, no vet, and a baby 1 hour away from her nap time. Crap!

So, we head to PetSmart where they have a vet on call on Monday afternoons to administer shots. I need you to picture the scene with me if you will. If you don't know Kirby, he is the world's dumbest dog. He stares and disobeys. That's about it. So, I get him out of the van and he is pulling on me with all of his might to run. I am choking him trying to keep him with me. I am trying to unfold Bennett's huge stroller with one hand while being yanked by a 64 lb dog with the other. I somehow manage. Now I have to get Bennett out of her carseat with one hand and I have the massive lug pulling my other. This takes me 15 minutes. Every time I almost had Bennett buckled in, Kirby would see another dog and pull me so hard that I would fall. In the parking lot. While I was down for the count, Bennett would climb out of her stroller. It was a certifiable nightmare.

Somehow, I manage to get them in. We go to the little vet shop inside PetSmart. Bennett has had it. She starts to bawl. It is now 2:00 and she is demanding a crib and a paci. Kirby is pulling on me with a sudden burst of strength he hasn't shown in years. I make it to the counter. There are three women in the waiting room with perfect dogs sitting obediently. I am about to start crying along with Bennett. I am trying to sign Kirby in when the receptionist says, "Oh my gosh- is your dog peeing?" I look over, and yes, Kirby has lifted his leg and peed all over a display of plush animal chew toys. He has ruined about 20 furry things and has probably cost me an extra $75. Now Bennett is really wailing b/c I have left her to clean up the mess. Yes, the receptionist handed me towels and made me clean it up. While I am bent over trying to wipe up pee and figure out how many toys he ruined, he gets away from me. Fortunately I got him back before he made it to the cat section.

Now, we are back at the counter. All three women are looking at me with their trained dogs scornfully. One looks at her dog and says, "Sit Murphy. Stay. Good dog." I looked over. Murphy was already sitting. I hate spiteful dog owners who tell a sitting dog to sit just to emphasize how much better they are than me. I look down at Kirby and start hissing, "Sit...sit...SIT!" He just stares at me.

By this time, Bennett has one leg out of her car seat and one arm free and she is seconds from hailing a cab and making it to her crib. The woman behind the counter says that I can't drop Kirby off and I am just going to have to wait. I drop in a waiting room seat and every woman moves over another seat. Not really, but I know they wanted to. I am staring at the stained chew toys, the screaming baby, and the dog who is now licking Murphy and I want to die. I am sweaty, exhausted, irritable, and I know I have to put up with it for 2 more hours because we are 4th in line.

Then the receptionist disappears. She comes back out and says, "M'am, we decided that due to the circumstances, you can just drop your dog off." Hallelujah! Apparently they wanted me out as much as I did. I handed her Kirby's leash so fast that her head spun and Bennett and I were racing to the van. We rushed home and as I put her in her crib, she smiled at me and said, "Gum!"

And yes, Rob picked Kirby up later that afternoon. We discussed it for awhile, but in the end we decided to get him. Whether or not that was a good decision is up for debate.


Brittny said...

I LOVE YOU!!!!! Please don't hate me for saying this, but you always brighten my day, help me laugh until I hurt and it's all b/c of your hilarious stories! I'm sorry that there are horrible, terrible people out there and that you (the nicest person I know, and I'm not just saying that, you really are!) happens to run into them. Hope you have a safe trip!!!

The Fishes said...

Lauren, you are an inspiration to us all. I love your stories of survival! LOL.

And please, let us watch your dogs next time you go out of town. Our dogs love having guests and we have a big back yard for them all to run and play. It's what friends do.

((hugs)) Have a safe trip!