Monday, January 12, 2009

How to Break a Mother's Heart

Bennett has been through a lot of changes recently. It started with us boxing up her nursery for a few days before we moved and it has gone on and on for about 2 weeks now. I think she has been a trooper, but yesterday was just a little too much.

If any of you reading this know Bennett, you know that she is a very laid back kid. She rarely fusses, adapts easily, and is generally just so easy going. At Frazer she was in the nursery every Sunday for 6 hours since both Rob and I worked and we never once had a problem. In fact when we picked her up after being in there all day, the workers would always say that they wished every baby could be like her.

So, I didn't expect any problems yesterday for her first day at her new church. Let me start by saying that it's huge! And I'm used to huge, but this is really really huge. Not only was Bennett having a hard time, but I was as well. I was walking through the atrium and I knew nobody. That is to be expected of course, but it made me homesick. I missed Frazer and my relationships there. I can't walk 5 feet at Frazer without seeing a familiar face.

But anyway, we make it though the incredibly crowded nursery and take her to her new room. Let me say that she was the only kid there in a smocked dress. My little southern girl may need a new wardrobe soon. At Frazer she is their Bennett and they love on her and hold her and know exactly what to do with her. At COR, a very nice but busy teenager just took her and she was gone. No instructions, no good-bye hug, no reminder that she loves her paci, she's just gone.

I am in the service (which I loved by the way!) for approximately 15 minutes when the nursery called. Bennett was inconsolable. Not just sniffing for Mom, but uncontrollable racking sobs. I fly to the nursery and find her in someones lap barely able to breathe because her whole body is shaking. If anyone knows my daughter, this is not Bennett.

I thought about it all day. I wondered what happened. I held her for the longest time. She was absolutely fine once she saw me, but her body kept shuddering for about half an hour. We concluded maybe the change had finally gotten to her. Maybe she missed Mrs. Diane at Frazer. Maybe she was tired, but it broke my heart. It made me even more homesick. But we'll try again next week.


Lori Mercer said...

Okay, just so you know...a little tear ran down my cheek as I read this! You guys are in my prayers! We miss you!

Camp Wag A Tail said...

Hey Lauren, this is Brittny's mom. I don't know if you got the message from her, but my sister is a member at COR. She is hoping to meet you soon. She is a maternity coordinator at a local hospital so she can give you the inside scoop on a OB Dr if you don't already have one. I am praying for your transition (and Bennett's too). Melodee has loved KC and I know you will too. Susie
ps you are right about the "southern clothes" , it is much more casual there.

Unknown said...

Y'all are in our thoughts and prayers. It will get better, I promise.

Erin said...

Oh how heartbreaking about sweet Bennett. I am sure she was alittle "shell shocked" by all of the new change. We tend to forget that the adults are not the only ones going through huge changes. I am sure this rocked her little world abit. We will pray for her adjustment. It will come in time..., at just the right time. Keep on loving her and giving her that security that she needs!! And of course you will, because you are the BEST MOM!!!

Keri A. Ward said...

this makes me so sad, because all I know of Bennett are those precious happy little squills. I know it will take some time for the adjusting but in the mean time, SO many people are praying for yall! You are in my thoughts and prayers each day! I love you and miss you! Keep the updates on the blog coming so we will know how to specifically pray for yall.

ps. and im sure that she is the most stylish kid in the nursery...southern girls always are! :)