Notes from Crazytown

We have a little frog that sticks on our window every night. Will named him (her?) Mr. Awkward. We don't know why. Maybe I should I have known that the next 24 hours of my life would be a whirling mess of insanity when Mr. Awkward made his grand entrance in our house and jumped gleefully all throughout our hallway and front bathroom.It should have been an omen of things to come. But I didn't know that at the time. I was just glad Mr. Awkward was out of my bathroom and back outside where he belonged. However, here is a timeline of the events that occurred following Mr. Awkward's grand entrance.

2:00am- I hear Lainey crying. I stumble upstairs blindly to give her a dropped paci.

2:05 am- As I am passing Bennett's room I hear her crying in her bed. She couldn't find her favorite stuffed animal.

2:09am- I am downstairs searching under the couch for a stuffed dog. I bang my knee, bruise my elbow, and hit my head and I stumble around in the dark, but I find the stuffed dog.

3:10- The real dog is licking Rob. She wants some water. At 3 in the morning. Of course she does.

5:45- Lainey is up for the morning. I decide I will get up and make a healthy breakfast for my whole family. They will be so surprised when they get up.

7:00- I am passed out on the couch and Lainey is walking all around me throwing blocks on my head while Bennett and Will are still waiting on their breakfast.

7:25- I feel slightly guilty that I am putting a lunchable in Bennett's lunch box. I am too tired to cut up grapes and make her a sandwich. Oh, well. Nobody will notice. It's just one day.

7:30. Bennett leaves in the carpool. As the car drives away I remember that her school poster on fire safety (optional!) was due that day. I glance sheepishly at the poster board, stickers, and markers on our bench. You do get points for good intentions, right?

10:00- I wake Lainey up from a deep sleep to take her to her 1 year check up. Her appointment had actually been the day before. When I had called to double check the time the receptionist said, "Yes, Umm.... your appointment was 5 hours ago." Of course it was. Thankfully they got me in the next day.

10:30. They prick Lainey's finger and give her a lot of shots. She hates me. And I hate Nurse Ratchet.

10:45- I forgot to restock Lainey's diaper bag so she doesn't have any extra clean diapers. A nice lady in the waiting room lends gives me one. Her baby is 3 months old.  It barely wraps around one of Lainey's thighs. It will have to do.

11:20- I go to Bennett's school to have lunch with her. A good friend of mine is having lunch with her son so we sit next to each other. She pulls her sons lunch out. He has a salad, yogurt, and something I can't pronounce. Bennett pulls out her lunchable. With skittles. #Momfail

12:30- I go to pick Will up at pre-school. I am supposed to put an extra car seat in Rob's car so he can pick up the carpool that afternoon. I forget. I realize I am almost home. I turn around much to Will's protestation. Task gets done.

3:00- I am waiting on Rob to bring the carpool home so I can rush and get Bennett to ballet by 3:30. I wait and wait. At 3:15 I call Rob to tell him we will be late for ballet if he doesn't hurry. He is still sitting at work. He forgot the carpool. I call my friend and sheepishly explain why her son was sitting outside of the school on a bench with the gym teacher waiting for my husband to come and get him. #Dadfail

3:45- Bennett rushes in the door devastated. She does not want to miss ballet. Shoot! I thought I had gotten out of that one. So I throw a leotard on her, put her hair in something (not) resembling a bun, grab a cranky-from-her-shots Lainey out of her crib, chuck Will's shoes at him, and head to ballet. We get there 20 minutes after class has started.

4:15- I am talking with my friends at ballet when I notice that Lainey is bleeding. Blood on her outfit, on her stroller, and on her body. Her finger had started bleeding again from her prick that morning. Since there weren't extra diapers in my diaper bag, do you really think there would be a band aid? Did it look like I was having that kind of a day?

5:00- I make it home to fold two loads of laundry and start dinner.

6:30- Things have gone well for an hour and a half. That's never a good sign. I find Lainey in the bathroom where she has unrolled every bit of toilet paper and she may or may not have played in the toilet. Bennett and Will have put necklaces and scarves on the dog and I remember that I have to bake a "fall treat" for my book club that night. And things were going so well.

7:00- Rob heads out the door for band practice and I stick some pumpkin croissants in the oven. The doorbell rings and the babysitter is here. I stall and talk awkwardly to her for 15 minutes. She thinks I am extremely interested in her life but I am really just trying to kill time to let my croissants cook. They obviously should have been in the oven half an hour before I put them in there, but that would really be asking too much of me at this point.

7:15- I finally leave. I pass Mr. Awkward hanging out on our window. I glare at him and blame him for all the failures of my day. I then head to my book club where I can have a somewhat intelligent conversation and not worry about missed carpools, blood stained clothes, and posters that never got made. The problem is that I am too tired to have an intelligent thought. So I just sit sleepily, eat pumpkin treats, and gear myself up to do it all over again the next day. #Momlife