Monday, May 20, 2013

The 5 minute window where I totally failed as a Mom

Most days I think I have a pretty good handle on being a Mom of 3. I don't think any of my kids have ever missed a meal. Granted some of their meals have consisted of Cheetoes and juice boxes, but I can safely say they've never been hungry. They always have clothes on their body and shoes on their feet. The clothes may not match some days and the shoes may be a size too small, but hey, they're covered. They seem to be relatively happy little people, so all in all I would say I'm doing a fairly good job.

But then there are those moments. Those quick moments where everything falls apart and you feel like calling Child Protective Services first before someone calls them on you. This happened to me last week.

I walked into a store to look for end of the year teacher gifts. It was a very small boutique which wasn't really conducive to a stroller so I carried Lainey on my hip. Bennett and I were browsing the jewelry when Will needed to go potty. Right then! The store was tiny and the bathroom was a few steps away so I told Bennett to stay right there and Mommy would be in the bathroom with Will. Don't worry. There were very nice ladies behind the counter who I assumed had heard me as well.

No big deal, right? Totally manageable. Not so much.

When we get into the bathroom Will really needs help. I still have Lainey on my hip so I am trying to help him with one hand. It's bad. I won't go into detail in case a future girlfriend of his reads this blog one day, but let's just say he really needed my help. What do I do with Lainey? I have to set her down on the gross cement floor. As I am doing this Will is getting you know what all over his hands as he is trying to wipe with cheap toilet paper that is coming apart at the seams. I yell and rush over to help him. As I do, Lainey falls backwards. Thankfully she arches her back so her head doesn't hit the floor, but now she is rolling on a bathroom floor. I am trying to stop her with one foot while wiping Will with one hand. Then I hear Bennett yelling, "MOMMY!" Apparently she had been so engrossed in the jewelry that she didn't hear me say I was going to the bathroom. I hear a salesperson say,"Does anyone know where this little girl's Mom is?" I yell as loudly as I can, "IN THE BATHROOM" but they can't hear me over the running water that I am using to desperately scrub you know what off of Will's hand while Lainey continues to roll all over the bathroom floor. Bennett is now sobbing. I am trying to dry Will's hands and keep Lainey from rolling as I manage to prop open the door a crack and tell Bennett where I am. I am sure the salesperson wanted to keep Bennett and raise her as her own instead of handing her back over to her crack pot of a mother.

Needless to say I didn't buy anything. I got out of there as fast as I could and don't plan to go back anytime in the forseeable future. Probably a good idea since I am sure there are wanted posters of me hanging all over the store.

I got home and scrubbed Lainey with soap and water while begging Bennett to please pay attention when I tell her I am going somewhere and begging Will to please go to the bathroom before we leave the house. Then I put my superwoman cape back on, shoved the ugly incident to the back of my brain, and resumed my duties as an unflappable Mom of three small children.

All in a days work kids, all in a days work.

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