Thursday, December 9, 2010

Obligatory Christmas Traditions

You have to do it. You have to bake Christmas cookies with your children. It's rule #474 in the parent handbook. You know, the one they give you in the hospital when your baby is born. Surely you know what I'm talking about. That wonderful handbook that tells you exactly how to help your children sleep through the night, when to start solid foods, how to make them use the potty, and gives you step by step instructions on how to stop temper tantrums.

Wait. You didn't get one? Are you serious? Well, then I feel sorry for you. I don't know how I could survive without mine. Maybe my hospital is just cooler than yours. So in the spirit of generous Christmas giving, I will share the rule book with you. If you have yours with you, please open your books to rule 474.

Step 1. You gather the children in your kitchen. If they are in bad moods, you ignore them. After all, it's Christmas and We. Must. Have. FUN!

Step 2. You must wear a funny Elf hat when making the dough. Your daughter will think you're brilliant and your son will think he's born into the wrong family.

Step 3. Your children should then conspire as to what they want to put on their cookies. The oldest child will win. I can promise you this.

Step 4. When the child reaches 2 years old, they can help make the dough. When they are three years old, they will take over completely. Better start preparing them now.

Step 5. Licking the batter is a must.

Step 6. Repeat Step 5.

Step 7. Chill out for 3 hours while the dough chills out. Ha, Ha..... but seriously folks. The dough needs to hang out in the fridge for a few hours, so change your kid's clothes, protect Grandma from runaway reindeer, and come back when you are ready to cut out shapes.

Step 8. You always need someone to help you use the cookie cutters or else you might get hurt. In our case, we let Bennett help little Rob. He needed it.

Step 9. Time out for dinner. You may not want to serve spaghetti. If you do, this will probably be your result.

*****We pause the cookie making rules to instruct you to bathe your children. Immediately.*****

Step 10. Back in business. Now it is decorating time. Gather all of your sprinkles, icing, and confetti. No sampling until the cookies are done.

Step 11. This rule really applies to your husband, not your children.

Step 12. Always let your children decorate their own cookie. RESIST the urge to make the cookies look perfect. Let them have fun. And then stop worrying that they will never get into art school.

And there you have it, friends. If you didn't receive your copy of the parenting handbook, then I hope you have enjoyed reading all of the amazing and life-changing tips you missed out on. Happy cooking baking!


starnes family said...

OH, they're precious! The kids, husband and cookies. You, too, of course.

LOVE spaghetti clad baby.

Brittny said...

I just can't say it enough, I love you and your humor!!! And thank you for making my sides hurt and if I hadn't just gone to the bathroom I would have wet the bed.

Donnie Manis said...

SO glad I have no need for that parenting handbook. It sounds long and confusing! :)

But that looks like a fun day...and delicious cookies. :) Merry Christmas, Websters!