Thursday

Well, this stinks. I don't know how else to phrase it. I'm home, but I am in so much pain. Last night was awful. I fell out of the bed on the floor and couldn't move. I didn't realize how much having a hard hospital bed with rails helped me. I hurt so much every time I tried to move in my bed with the soft mattress. Today has been rough. My Mom, sister, and nieces are here an I have been looking forward to their visit more than I can say. I had meals planned and so many fun activities- now they are all at a children's farmstead and I am on the couch. My mom stayed with me, but I am so sad that I wasn't able to join them. Also, I can't be on heavy pain meds because I am nursing Will, so all I am taking is Ibuprofen. They gave me heavy medication at the hospital which is why I was doing better. I think I am hurting so much worse today because I am not on any medication.

I don't mean for this blog to be a rant or a vent for me. All I can say is thank you for your prayers and I humbly ask you to continue them. I can't lift Bennett. I can't rock her or put her to bed. I can't feed her. Someone has to hand me Will and only then can I hold him. I can't dress myself. I would give anything right now to be out with my family who I haven't seen in months, but I can't. And I guess just mainly pray that we find a diagnosis. We still don't know what's wrong and so therefore, there is no course of action.

But to make me feel better I am posting a sweet picture of my kids that my friend Mary (who has been a saint!!) took on her iphone while she was watching them for us.

Morning News

Well, you all certainly know how to pray. I was woken up early this morning by the physical therapist and without thinking, I sat up. As of 11:00 last night there was no way on earth that I could have sat up by myself pain free. I am doing SO much better. I can walk, albeit stiffly and slowly, but I can walk!

They still haven't gotten to the root of my problem. Every doctor can feel this huge knot/cyst/tumor on my back (they have all called it one of those three names) but nobody can figure out what it is. It is right on my SI joint, but normally that will shoot pain down your legs and my pain is so localized. It's baffling.

Hopefully (!!!) I can go home today. They wouldn't let me go home until we got on top of the pain and I think we are getting there. Please keep praying. I know that I am only where I am because of your prayers. I am so thankful to the Lord for His healing and comfort during all of this and to all of my amazing friends out there who are praying for me.

Keep Rob in your prayers as well. He was up all night with Will. He called this morning exhausted. Will was hungry again, Bennett was crying and needed a diaper change, the strawberries were moldy, the house was a wreck, Will was spitting up, the beds weren't made, we were almost out of juice......etc. Maybe now Mom will get a little more appreciation around the house. :-)

Update

I am still here in the hospital. I don't really have anything new to report sadly. They think that my pain is due a large knot on my pelvis. They are guessing that during childbirth that knot or cyst became very aggravated. The cyst is surrounded by ligaments and nerves that probably became strained or torn when I delivered Will. And I have potentially caused them to rupture in the month since he was born by heavy lifting. And when I say heavy lifting, there was no way for me to not lift a 22 lb toddler every day.

So, I am on a lot of pain meds and will have to go through some physical therapy. The problem is that the pain is not going away. It gets masked every now and then, but once the medicine wears off, I am back at square one. They are not going to release me until I can walk or move pain free, and at this point I have no idea when that will be. And when I do go home, I won't be able to lift anything and will have a very hard time moving. Ummm..... do they know I have a 17 month old and a 4 weeks old?

My Mom, my sister, and my three nieces get here tomorrow. I am sick that I can't get them from the airport. I am so sad that I won't be there to welcome them home. I have been looking forward to them coming for months and I am just so incredibly disappointed.

One bright spot is that I changed hospital rooms. I got stuck in a semi private room with a beast. I'm serious. She yelled at nurses, yelled at doctors, stormed to my side of the room and answered my phone because it was bugging her, cursed at her Mom loudly on the phone for 10 minutes straight, and beeped the nurses station every 10 minuted to tell them off. The hospital staff took pity on me and switched me to a private room. At least I can sleep a little bit tonight. She won't have E! reality shows on all night like she did last night. Well, she probably will, but I'm in another room, so who cares?

So anyway, continue to pray for us. Please pray that I can get this pain under control. I want to go home so badly. It kills me that I have been away from my newborn baby for 2 days now and I have no idea when I can go back. Please pray for Rob. He is exhausted trying to take care of the house, Bennett, Will, and me. Pray for Bennett who is going through another crazy adjustment and wants to know where Mommy is. And pary also that I won't get another blood clot. I am at high risk already and being bed ridden in a hospital does not help that risk. My legs are starpped to these machines that constantly pump the blood flow which is a good thing, except when you are trying to sleep.

But a huge shout out and thanks to our dear friend Mary who is watching the kids for us, and my sweet friend Emily who sat with me tonight at the hospital and made me laugh. I am off to bed now, but thank you all for your prayers. You will never know how much we appreciate them.

Hanging out in the hospital

Well here I am. Sitting alone in Room 211 at lovely St. Lukes South. I was at this very place 4 weeks ago but that time I was delivering a baby. Now I am just sitting.

Yesterday was a lovely day. My in-laws were in town so we went to a children's farmstead and watched Bennett go crazy over the animals. She fed baby goats from a bottle and we walked everywhere. We had a great lunch and then everyone napped. After my nap I was sitting cross legged on the floor and Bennett brought me a book to read. She plopped down in my lap and SNAP! I don't know what happened, but something did.

I tried not to over react and just tried to wait it out on the couch, but it got worse every second that passed. 2 hours later I tried to walk to the kitchen and I couldn't walk at all. Putting weight on my right leg was unbearable.

We decided to go to the ER. They couldn't find anything wrong and guessed it was a muscular problem. They were going to let me go home with muscle relaxers and painkillers, but I couldn't walk out of the room. Standing caused such severe pain that they admitted me overnight.

I didn't get any sleep last night. I couldn't roll from side to side, I couldn't move I was just stuck. I just got back from having an MRI on my back. Getting on and off the table was horrific. I hate screaming in front of people, but there you go.

So, keep us in your prayers. I honestly have no idea what happened. I have a lot of family coming in town the next few weeks and I really want to be able to hang out at home and spend time with them. I want to be able to hold Bennett and feed Will. As it is Rob is doing all of the night feedings and taking care of Bennett plus trying to do his job.

I will post updates through this blog as I am able. I can barely move and cannot reach more than 2 feet to get the laptop. I am only able to get on it if someone puts it in my lap. But hooray for Morphine! That seems to help and hopefully I can make it home soon to be with my family.

Weekend with the Grandparents

Mamaw and Grandaddy are here!! They haven't seen Bennett since September and she's changed just a little bit since then. :-) And we needed to introduce Will to his grandparents so they came out to Kansas! We have had a wonderful weekend so far. Will has slept in their arms and gotten some good bonding time. And Bennett has enjoyed reconnecting with her grandparents.

It has made me so sentimental about how big she has gotten. Last time they saw her, they were spoon feeding her rice cereal. Now she is playing hide and seek and talking to them. She really can understand everything you tell her. She started calling them "Mamaw" and "Grandaddy" immediately. She will tell them what she wants to do- walk, play ball, eat, book, etc... She growled like a lion at them and hooted like an owl. I told her tonight to go to her hide out and get a book for Grandaddy to read. And she walked over to the hide out, got the book, and ran to Grandaddy. When they were finished, Rob told her to go get an Elmo book. So she went and found an Elmo book in her bin and brought it right over and said, "Melmo book." What happened to the baby that just sat on her blanket and smiled last time they visited? When we tell her it's night night time she will say, "Night Night. Pillow. Papsis. Book. Night Night," and then she heads right for the stairs. I just keep thinking, "Where is my baby? Who is this toddler?" It has all happened in a blur. The last time they were here, they just carried her to her crib. I think I am going to put a brick on Will's head and he is only allowed to get to where he's sleeping through the night and then he can't get any bigger than that.

Here are a couple of cute pics of B. People have been so nice to send her gifts in honor of being a big sister. Here she is testing out the apron Rob's boss sent for her. She helped Mommy make dinner and was so proud!

Gotta Go! I got Pancakes cooking!

James Lang Webster, meet William Lang Webster

Beautiful Baby Boy

Will's first words will be.....

FEET FIRST! I am convinced of this. Bennett's first words were "Mama" and "Dada." However, at 10 months she started saying, "Go Bed, Meg." I thought this was odd. She bypassed the normal words such as ball, juice, or Bye-Bye and went straight to sending our dog to her bed. As I have blogged about endlessly, this showed me how many times a day I utter that phrase.

So, as I was holding Will today I started thinking about what he hears all day and have concluded that it is "feet first." He heard it constantly in utero as Bennett started climbing on furniture. We taught her to always come down feet first. She will repeat it back to me if she's not throwing a tantrum. But today I realized how many times a day I say it. I say it when she's climbing up the stairs and I want her to come down, I say it when she's climbing on the kitchen table, when she's headed down the basement stairs, when she's standing on the piano bench.... pretty much all day. Then I have to put Will down and put Bennett in time out. Then she hits me. In the face. Then we stay in time out longer. Then Will is crying. I have to leave Bennett. Then she climbs out of the time out chair and I have to say it again, "Bennett, come down feet first." Then she gets put in time out again for climbing down when she wasn't supposed to. Then Will cries because I have left him. Sigh....

The good news is that Bennett is finally getting it. She can now say, "Sorry." I don't know if she knows what it means, but it makes me feel better to hear it. And she will say, "M'am" which in her world is "Yes, M'am" when I ask her to do something. She helps me put clothes in the dryer, she helps me clean up messes, and she will say, "M'am" when I ask her to help. It's pretty dang cute.

Okay, I need to stop blogging now. Bennett is currently playing in her special hide out with her books, but any second she will be climbing something, I will say "Come down feet first," she will cry and get mad, I will put her in time out, Will will start to whine... you get the point.

Fun at the pool?

Did we actually have fun at our local pool last weekend? I'll let you decide from the picture.
And is it wrong that this is one of my favorite pictures of her of all time? Don't worry. She warmed up to the baby pool, but it took awhile. In the meantime, I had a blast photographing the meltdown as Daddy convinced her that we weren't torturing her by making her dodge 5 other manic toddlers in a pool while suffering the injustice of having a large elephant squirt you with water from his trunk. But she loved it in the end and we will be back soon.

And here's Will. We didn't allow him to get in the pool just yet. We will settle for pics under a sweet blanket sent by my awesome friend Courtney.

And you thought getting through Leviticus was hard

Bennett loves to read her story Bible at night. She will ask for it by name and then laugh and giggle when you pull it out. However, before I send her to seminary I will share what I discovered last night. She just likes the animals and flowers. I noticed that when we were on the pages that had Adam and Eve or Noah, she would stop and point out everything on the page. Snake, flower, tree, cow, horse.... she loved them. But when we got to the "boring" pages (her views not mine) she would flip past them and say, "Bye-Bye Bible." With all due apologies to Joshua and David, your wall and bravery with the giant just don't impress her. I guess you need to jazz up your stories with some animals or a baby in a basket like Moses, and then maybe she might pay a little more attention.

Thankfully, she likes the page where John baptizes Jesus. I suspect that the reason is that there are fish in the water on that page, but I am going to pretend otherwise. It would have been bad if she skipped past every page with Jesus on it yelling, "Bye-Bye Bible."

Oh, and here's a picture of Will. I don't have funny stories about him yet, but isn't he cute?

And all God's people said....

"Men!" Well, according to Bennett, that's what they say. We pray before every meal and Bennett has never quite gotten it. This weekend though I think something clicked. I will sneak a glance at her now during prayer time and her head is laying on her sippy cup. Then when we say "Amen," Bennett will say quietly, "men." It is quite simply one of the most adorable things I have ever seen.

Side note- Bennett is in love with her brother. She looks for him first thing in the morning, she rocks him in his car seat, she kisses his forehead, and she unfortunately points out his body parts. I say unfortunately because Bennett telling me where Will's eye is results in many poorly aimed swats at his face. But whenever he cries she will look for a paci and run over to him and throw a paci at his face and yell, "Pepsi!" Ah, so much brotherly love. We should move to Philadelphia.

I did it!!!

I did it! I took both kids out for the afternoon by myself. I managed to get both of them dressed, undress one and change a diaper I had just put on him, dress them again, pack diaper bags, get them both in the car, unload them both and feed the one who decided that he had to eat NOW, get them loaded up again, and then hit the town. It was a big day for us. By the time we finally backed out of the driveway, we were only 30 minutes away from nap time, but we weren't in the house! We have taken both kids out several times, but always with Rob or my parents help. Today, it was just me.

Now while the kids looked clean and fresh and put together, the same cannot be said about me. Please don't anybody nominate me to be on "What Not to Wear." I will get better, I promise. But then again, I might get a free trip to NYC, a makeover, and $5000 to spend on a new wardrobe. Now that I think about it, nominate away. I promise to look just as frumpy as I do now until I get on that show.

First bath, first stomach virus, and a gross revelation

We gave Will his first real bath now that his umbilical cord has fallen off. He actually lost it a few days ago. We had taken him to a park and when we got home I lifted him out of his car seat. I asked Rob if he could come clean the car seat because a dead flower or plant of some sort had gotten in there at the park. Yes, you see where I am going. I don't know when it fell off or how it got underneath his blanket, but it did. At least it didn't fall off in my hand like Bennett's did when I was changing her diaper. Anyway, here are a couple of shots from his first bath.

Could you guys make me any unhappier? No, seriously, could you? I think not.

Ah, warmth and terrycloth. Much better.


Check out the link to the post I did on Bennett's first bath. See any similarities between the two posts? I think you can tell that these kids are siblings.

Anyway, Bennett got her first stomach virus today. She has had colds and the RSV virus, but she has never thrown up before. Well, she did today. A lot. And thank goodness I happened to be on the phone with my sister who has three children and who has been through this many times. She told me exactly what to do, and B is already better tonight. But I hated it. I hated seeing her like that and we had a very hard day of trying to keep her away from Will and me washing my hands about every 45 seconds as I constantly had to take care of both children without wanting to expose Will to the germs.

And finally, my gross revelation. Boys are stinkier than girls. I learned this to be true in elementary school but I didn't know that it started from birth. I guess it does. Will has peed on me now a total of 5 times. He poops in his bath which Bennett never did and is just generally.... stinkier. Well, not him, but his diapers are for sure.

Wow! A post about decaying cords, vomiting, pooping, and peeing. I guess that pretty much sums up my exciting life these days. I will say though, so I don't end on such a gross note, that in between all of the aforementioned yuckiness, I got sweet coos and cuddles from Will, hugs and giggles from Bennett, and the sweetest evening just reading and playing with both of them. If I need to put up with a few gross messes for that, I'll take it any day.

Life these days

Sorry in advance about the long blog post. Unless you are my Mom, don't feel obligated to read the whole thing. How would I describe our life these days? Crazy, tiring, fun, long, and just plain happy. My parents left yesterday and I already miss them so much. They were incredibly helpful and just fun to have around. I enjoy having lots of people around and so I have loved having someone to watch movies with, talk to, and play board games with at night. I miss them terribly and Bennett has been asking for "Suttle" all day.

Bennett is awesome. She just is. I know every parent feels this way about their kid, but I just delight in her. Her mind is like a sponge and she is getting more adorable every day. I can't even keep track of her words anymore. She talks constantly and puts so many phrases together. She loves Will and when he cries, she will say. "Uh-oh! Will. Cry!" She also kisses Will constantly. She will see him, squeal, and go over and kiss his head.

She can tell you exactly what she wants. When it is meal time she will say, Juice, Cracker, Gape (grape,) Bock Bock (chicken,) Cake(pancake,) and so on. She knows her standard foods and will ask for each of them by name. At night she will tell me which book she wants to read. Pop Pop (Hop on Pop,) Bible, Go Bed Meg (Her book about dogs,) Piper (her photo album with picture of family members,) or Lala (Her book about Elmo. She calls it LaLa after the theme song.) If you pick out the wrong one, she will shake her head, say, Noooo..... and then repeat which one she wants until you get it right. Then she has to sleep holding her book of the night or her flashcards. When I go to check on her before I go to sleep she is usually clutching a book in one hand a flashcard in the other. The girl knows what she wants!

She can repeat almost any word you say to her. My parents were telling me every day new words they taught her and it blew me away. I wouldn't believe them until I would hear her say it for myself. Last night Rob and I were playing the guitar and singing "Old MacDonald" with her and she would sing, "EIEIooooooo" at the end. So cute. She loves to talk on the phone and will walk around the house with her hand pressed up to her ear like she is on the phone and say, "ooooo?" which is "hello." I taught her to say good-bye to things when we are finished with them, so every morning when she gets up, she throws her paci in her crib and says, "Bye-Bye pepsi's." When we are finished reading a story she will say, "Bye-Bye Book." When we walk upstairs, "Bye-Bye Baymint (Basement.)" When we leave a store, "Buy-Bye Sto."

I could go on and on. I just am writing it down here so I won't forget. She is a delight and makes me laugh all day. I love playing with her bubble maker, hearing her hiss like a snake, watching her look all over for her "piwow." I love it. My absolute favorite thing is that she squeals so loudly and has this belly laugh every time she sees me and Rob. I have got to get it on film. My parents would get up with her in the mornings since we had been up with Will at night. When Rob and I woke up we would come downstairs and I will never forget B's reaction every time she saw us. She would run as fast as she could, arms up, laughing, squealing, and saying, "Mama! Dada! Mama! Dada!" and then she would just hug us and put her head on our shoulders and laugh. I died a little bit every time.

And Will.... what to say about sweet Will. He is an angel. He really is. He is a much easier infant than Bennett, and she was pretty easy. He will go 4-5 hours at night in between feedings. He only cries when he wants to be held. We have never experienced a crying jag with him. As long as he is full, dry, and being held, he is great. He reminds me so much of Bennett in the way that he holds his hands by his head when he sleeps and his facial expressions. I know this will change, but I am so thankful that he has been so chill up to this point because it has made the transition a lot easier than I expected.

Rob and I feel so blessed. We love having this blog because the hard thing really is feeling lonely. We are so far away from everyone and this blog helps us share our kids with the friends and family members that miss them so much. I know there will be tough days ahead. Today was hard. It was my first day alone with both kids and it was hard. I was feeding Will when Bennett started climbing the stairs and wouldn't come down. It was hard when I was playing ball with Bennett this afternoon and Will needed a diaper change and Bennett cried when I left her. It was hard when I put Bennett to bed and wanted to fall asleep myself, but it was time to give Will his bath. But, it is a wonderful kind of hardship and I am going to take in every last second because I know it is going to fly by.

Here are a few pics of the kids I have spent way too much time raving about. I can't help it. I'm just a proud parent. And if you made it this far, you deserve a gold medal and perhaps an aspirin.

Enjoying the sunshine this weekend at a neighborhood park.

He must have said something really funny.

Crashing back at the house. Life is good.

Little B on the Prairie

A few nights ago Will was sound asleep, I had energy, and Meg had WAY too much energy. Poor thing has not received too much attention lately, so we took her to a dog park. We headed out to give both Bennett and Meg some much needed QT. As with all infants, life is a ticking clock in between feedings, so we didn't have much time. But we had a great evening. Meg played, Bennett walked everywhere, and Rob took pictures. A typical evening for our family. Oh, and don't worry. My Mom stayed home with Will. Kirby is just not that good of a baby sitter as it turns out.

My little Kansas girl. I can't wait to put her hair in long braids, throw an apron on her, and call her Laura.

After they ran and played, both of my girls were tired out.

Enjoying a beautiful sunset together

I couldn't let Daddy have all the hugs from B


When we got home, Will was waking up and so I got to cuddle with him and tell him all about the adventures he will have one day with Meg at the dog park. How much do I love life right now?

Family pictures

We took Bennett and Will to a park right behind our house on Sunday. We took a great family photo of us with Bennett when she was 4 days old so we wanted to get some pictures of Will at the same age. We had a great time and I think we got some nice shots as well. Bennett would have preferred to run everywhere and pretend like she was talking on the phone, but we managed to keep her still for a few. We just have to catch her closely because she loves to point out Will's body parts. "EYE," she will shout gleefully with a finger poking the poor wee one in said body part. But, he's tough, and maybe now our poor dog Meg will get a reprieve and Bennett will send Will to his bed at every chance.

And they just keep coming....

Sorry. I am still sorting through the hundreds of pictures from this past week. And if you all know my husband, I am lucky that they aren't in the thousands. Here are two that just stuck out as pretty funny. Life with Bennett is such a trip these days.

Two days before Will's arrival, we took a trip to Chick-Fil with our budding rock star.

Waiting on little brothers to be born can be so boring.

More Will pics

A few more pictures from our tiring, happy, exhilarating, exhausting, and wonderful weekend. Everyone is doing well and Will (so far) is a very easy baby. The nights haven't been bad at all and Bennett is as happy go lucky as ever. I know this could change in a heart beat, so I'll take it while I can get it.

Coming home. He's a little jaundiced. And a little slumped over, but he'll survive. :-)

With Mommy and Daddy Suttle

Introductions- Will looks scared. He should be.

Hanging out at home. Okay, well, sleeping at home.

Blue eyes for now.

Another precious miracle.

Spending some time with big sister

I am going to post a batch of pics tomorrow of bringing Will home and of his first few days in this world, but I wanted to post these shots of Bennett tonight. She has been a trooper. Rob took these of her tonight playing after lunch. We have really tried hard to make her feel included and spend special time with her. Even though my parents are here and even though I am exhausted, Rob and I gave her her bath last night just to regain some normalcy. I have put her down for naps and bedtime and Rob spent time with her tonight going over her flashcards. We have made sure today to sing her favorite songs, play with her bubble maker, and just let her know how much she is loved. It would be so easy to lock myself in my room with Will and just be with him and sleep, but Bennett has been through so much change that we really want her to feel that things are as close to normal as possible.

She loves Will by the way. When he cries she will look right at me and say, "Uh oh! Baby!" We taught her to say "cute" and so now when he comes into a room she will toddle over to him and say, "Baby! Cute." We all went out tonight to ride around and see 4th of July events in town and she seemed fascinated that there was another car seat beside her in the van. But overall, she is just happy that Mommy and Daddy are home and she loves having 4 adults at home now to play with her.

We are tired, but overall I feel great and am just so happy that Will is here and that he is healthy. Words cannot express how much I love him and I feel so blessed to have two perfect gifts from the Lord.

Spending some quiet moments together before the birth

Whoo-Hoo! I'm a big sister!

He's here!!

William Lang Webster was born on July 1st at 9:48pm. He weighed 6 lbs and 7 oz and is 19 1/4 inches long.

Labor was very long! They induced me at 6:30am, but did not break my water until 4:30pm, so we had a long day to sit and do nothing but have contractions and wait. However, once it got going, it got going a little too well. The epidural and I decided that we were not friends. I will spare the details, but it was not fun.

They corrected this by giving me some type of medication that made me very sick. I have never been that dizzy or nauseous in my life. It didn't help that I had been up for over 24 hours with no food or water either. We finally got him here and I didn't do so well post delivery either. I was still very sick from the medication and labor and I couldn't really hold him. We finally got cleaned up and in bed at 1:00 am- just in time for his night feeding. Between the many many doctors coming in through the night and having Will, we are pretty tired.

But the good news is that we all feel great today! Sleepy, but so happy. Bennett was here this morning and had a nasty spill on the floor, so she wasn't as happy as we would have liked, but she loves, "Baby!" She couldn't take her eyes off of him. She got a baby of her very own, but she preferred the real thing.

Here are a few pictures of our past 24 hours. Thank you so much for all of the prayers that you prayed for us yesterday. They were all felt and we cannot thank you enough.

Waiting on our baby brother


Welcome to the world, baby Will!


Meeting our baby for the first time. Exhausted, but thrilled.


Since he was born so late, Bennett had to wait until the next day to meet him. Here is her first glimpse of her little brother.


She loves him already


Our family unit


We couldn't be more blessed


Mommy and Daddy Suttle with Bennett and their first grandson


What a perfect gift from God


Our little Will


Me with my handsome baby boy